My MICROSOFT mouse doesn't install???

Hey wait... why doesn't my Microsoft mouse install in Vista?

A few years ago I picked up some cheap Microsoft optical mice for under $10 a peice. At the time I was having trouble finding three-button optical mice with a scrollwheel that also didn't have five other buttons that I didn't need. So of course, once I found a low-cost supply I stocked up and now have five of them. They've worked great on any of my computers, and never gave me a problem... until recently when I picked up an HP laptop preloaded with Vista.
Now, here is the strange thing. This mouse works fine on other Vista machines I've used. So... what is the deal here? Why cant I find definitive a reason for this when I do online searches?
Well, it could be something modified the driver INF file. Or perhaps there was a bad update. Or maybe my other Vista boxes were flukes. Or maybe steroid-laden hackers in bunny suits invaded my house during the night and swapped my mice with faulty ones that looked exactly the same.
...Or not.
Regardless of the cause, there is a workaround that I've decided to document here just in case others experience this issue as well.
So, first lets see the original error that appears when the mouse is plugged in:
Unknown Device
Nice, right? "Written for Windows 95 or later". Huh. I guess Vista isn't later than 95? Ah well. I cant dwell here. Time to move on.
So, first step is to go to the control panel.
If your Control Panel is not in the "Classic" view, change it by clicking on the 'Classic view' link:

Then find the 'Device Manager' icon:
Device Manager Link
Then answer the "User Access Control" (UAC) challenge. (Click Continue, or enter your admin credentials if applicable).
Once the Device manager appears, look for the item named "Unknown Device."
Unknown Device in Device Manager
Now, if you're really lucky there will only be one of these. If there is more than one... well good luck. Thats a topic for a different time.
Anyway. Find your unknown device and double click on it. When you see the following screen click on the 'Reinstall driver' button: Reinstall Driver Button
On the following screen, click on the 'Browse my computer for driver software' button:

Another screen, another prompt. This time select 'Let me pick from a list of device drivers on my computer' (dont click Next):
Let me pick...etc
Ok. Now we're getting somewhere. Find 'Mice and other pointing devices' in the list and click on 'Next':

So now we're presented with a list of possible mouse/HID drivers. HID stands for Human Interface Device, by the way... A horrible acronym in my opinion, since it could stand for anything from a keyboard to a penile stimulation device.
...But I digress. Here you want to pick "HID-Compliant Mouse":
HID Compliant Mouse
Be careful! If you pick the wrong choice here its a pain in the butt to find the item with the wrong driver, plus your mouse still wont work.
Now, if everything went correct here you'll be presented with this screen:
Success!
Great! You're all done!
...at least until you unplug the mouse and plug it into a different USB port. Then guess what?? It will try to auto-install the wrong driver again! You'll have to either find the USB port you used previously or go through this process again! Congrats, you're fucked!
But I'm not bitter. I just have a Microsoft mouse that works better on Ubuntu than on Vista.
Ok, nevermind, I'm bitter.
Please feel free to send questions or comments to clme(at)PenIsMighter(dot)com.

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Copyright 2009.